Why God made sluts

SLUTS ARE GIFTS FROM HEAVEN

Even if you wanted to, you can't look
away.  Such is the power of sluts.

Thankfully, sluts have always been with us spreading their special kind of love (among other things) far and wide like sultry sexy saints.  As in all worthy volunteer work, it’s all about giving to those in need.  And like volunteers, they don’t get praised enough nor paid at all.  But they’re sure sought out when they’re needed -often that need is desperate- and ignored when they’re not.

Whenever I see one I smile, for I know how much they give of themselves, how it uplifts us all in ways great and small and I appreciate it.  Whether a young woman chooses to give us a few good years of service in high school or college, or feels the lifelong calling to serve in the often challenging fluid-rich environment of sluthood, we as a civilized polite society owe her thanks.

'Why?'  Some might ask.  I’ll tell you why.

They are the single most powerful civilization driving force modern society has ever been blessed with having.

So powerful a force for good they are that the mere image or evoking of their personages in advertising is enough to sell almost any product.class.  (The notable exceptions are cleaning products, most medications, or anything whose pitch involves healthiness or wholesomeness.)

"Good" girls tend to resent sluts but they really shouldn't.  Sluts are by nature, dirtbag magnets.  A smart 'good' girl will not waste the opportunity when a slut walks in the room.  She'll watch carefully; not the slut, that's her stalking horse.  She'll watch which men watch the slut, and which dirtbags jockey for said slut's attention.  With no slut to draw them off, the ever-horny dirtbag will try hitting on whatever females are present, annoying the good girls and keeping the normally shyer nice guys away.

Society is shaped by them.  Every swivel of their hips and jiggle of their breasts moves us along in ways both calculated and unintentional.  Without going into endless detail on each point (this is a blog, not a book) I'll just shoot from the hip.  (that's a bullet joke)

- They make his good girls stand out
- They make dirtbags expose themselves (yes, I know, in more ways than one)

- They encourage physical fitness in all the men who work out to try to impress them

- They keep music alive by being groupies for bands who haven’t made it yet

   (If there hadn’t been a steady stream of willing sluts all over Gun’s N Roses in their ‘we all had to sleep in our van’ day before Appetite for Destruction they probably wouldn’t have stuck with it long enough to bring us Appetite for Destruction.)

- They prepare men for the unpredictable and unexpected challenges in life, for sluts don’t just bring the booty, they bring the crazy.

- They are a reliable test to expose marriage vow-breakers
- They're dependable character foils in coming-of-age comedies

- They support the widest job base or any demographic by supporting the following industries; Make-up, hair product, tight clothing, nightclub, liquor, cheesy accessory, short-stay motel, and either Condom OR pregnancy-test/abortion Industries

- Though you wouldn’t want to bring them home to mother, they make good training partners in the early going until you meet a girl who you would take home to mother.  A slut-trained lover is a man who knows what he’s doing.

- As future hookers they fulfill a (desperate) need for the segment of the adult male population none of the nice girls want to marry

- They’re cautionary tales to encourage nice girls to stay nice.

- It’s a persona nice girls can go slummin’ in if they have something they need to get out of their systems.

As you must admit by now, sluts give us SO much.  Where would we be without them?  In a drab world with crappy music and boring movies. 

And what do they get for it?  After years of leaving behind one satisfied smile for every two heads, the miles start to show.  And after overspending on clothes, high heels, makeup, trendy jewelry and alcohol so many end up poor, worn down, bitter and with few options.

But there will be no fund drives for sluts.   No old sluts home to retire too.  No slut appreciation day or 5K walkathons.  They don’t get a float in holiday parades or honorable mentions on the news.  No “I support sluts” stickers for window panes.  No “I want to be a slut when I grow up” T-shirts.  No invite to career day.  No booth at local festivals.  They serve in the shadows, and afterwards slip away unseen and even (unbelievably) unthanked.  Most forget their names five minutes after they’ve gone.

They do not deserve the disdain and flippant dismissal so often thrown their way.  So if you see a slut, especially a bitter old worn out one who should have really moved on years ago, buy her a drink.  She's earned it a thousand times over.  She may even thank you in a way all her own.

(If I were God, there'd be a special place in heaven set aside for all they've done.  You'd be able to spot it from any cloud -it'll be the one with all the guys milling around.)

Please, remember me as I was.

As always, If I Were God appreciates comments, ad-clicks and sharing of His articles. 

He sees all; disappoint Him not.