Friday the 13th, TEST DAY

It’s here again; the day those of us with mental means -rich of reason, if not actual riches- gets to separate ourselves from the mentally meager, the logically lacking, the steeped in superstition.  Yes, there are still some people even in this, the 23rd century, who hold superstitions (or as some would mock ‘stupidstitions’) like a second religion.  

These are the kind of people who take great care in not stepping on any cracks in the sidewalk, lest they cause traumatic spinal injuries to their female parent.

They will turn away and change direction if they spot a feline with black fur about to cross their path.

They’ll believe they’re screwed -and not in a good way- if they break a mirror.

They won’t walk under a ladder not because it’s inherently unsafe, but because it’s ‘bad luck’.

It gives me an idea for a ethnic-neutral IQ test I could sell the government; a ladder made of black cats and broken mirrors, placed over a path riddled with cracks, -and we’ll see who walks under without a problem, who hesitates, and who refuses.  It can be timed and graded accordingly.

In fact I think they should have this set-up at the front door to all standardized testing facilities; the SAT’s, MCATs, and LSATs.  Kind of a pre-screening if you will.  Only those who pass under should be allowed to take those standardized tests.  Do you realize what we’re all risking by not?

You could be on the table for emergency brain surgery when your superstitious surgeon comes across the blackened blood clot.  It’s shaped like a cat.  He runs screams from the operating theater.  You on the other hand, never scream.  Or run.  Or go to the theater.  Ever again.

You could be facing a double homicide charge, on trial for your life, and your superstitious lawyer decides on a ‘bad luck’ defense; “Your honor, although we concede my client chased the two deceased for blocks and fired a total of 27 shots -after reloading twice- we feel it is of paramount importance to note that the victims not only ran under a workman’s ladder, but collapsed between the Black Cat dress shop and a Friday’s eatery, ON 13th street!  And though several of the shots passed through their bodies, exactly 13 slugs were found still lodged inside them.  THIRTEEN, your honor.  Thirteen.  It’s obvious these two were inherently and profoundly unlucky.  Something bad was bound to happen to them.  And since we all know luck is part of the natural order of these things, it really just makes my client a tool of fate, of nature even.  I move that all charges be dismissed as the victims clearly died of natural causes!  Defense rests.”

So beware the menace of the superstitious.  They should not just be mocked, but carefully avoided.  The risks are too great.

It wouldn’t even be a bad idea to have the mirrorcat ladder at the emergency room entrance.  If somebody is badly injured, but still doesn’t want to enter under it then we don’t force them.  Do we really need them surviving and diluting the gene pool?  Isn’t the shallow end dangerously low enough at this point?