Female sex moans; Fact or Fake-tion?



"Oh baby, that was (almost) great!"

According to CNN.com's latest bubble-bursting 'health' article, not only are many a female orgasm (hereafter called a femgasm -you heard it here first) faked, but even a woman's bedroom moans and screams during the build-up are usually faked.  Unless her vibrator has shorted and electrocutes her -those screams are real.  Other than that they're probably either false or at least not everything they sound like.

That's damn depressing.  Almost too much so for me to even finish that article.  All that time I thought I was digging for gold, to find I was merely digging in a coal mine long after the canary had died.  But I soldiered on, equal parts intrigued and outraged, ready to drop a few bombs in their comment section ...when the news got a little better.

Apparently those sounds are meant as encouragement and appreciation for the effort. And I immediately thought "Oh, like when the 'slow' kid draws a picture of a car or his house but it looks more like a two-headed duck sodomizing an apple and everyone says Oh how pretty!" -Also damn depressing.  Especially for the apple.

But I read on and it seems it's more of a bonding thing.  So I think it's more like making extra yummy sounds when somebody goes to the trouble to make you an extravagant meal and asks "What do you think?".  Some of those mmmm's might be for liking the taste, but a lot is for liking the person.  And them liking you back. And that's not so bad.  Deep down, the cook surely knows it's a mix but appreciates any mmmm they can get without thinking about it too much.


The Orgasmatron from SLEEPER; silly movie prop
or the most desperately needed invention ever?



I think the same goes for any Oooooohhhhh you hear in the dark.  Some of it's "I like that." and some of it's "I like you."  Both are good.  An Oooooohhhhh's an Oooooohhhhh, just take it and be happy!

Honestly, as it turns out, is not always the best policy.  Would you really prefer her to say "That was... nice.  I'd give it a 5.  But I like you so I'll let you have a few more tries to see if you can actually get me there."  Because that's no pressure.  I think six out of every half dozen successful relationships would tell you a tender lie beats a cold truth any day.

This is all making me rethink that age-old dilemma that bested Lincoln himself.  How does one answer "Do I look fat?" if she does?  Let's tackle that 800lb gorilla in the room next time, kay?

Disclaimer: IIWG does not recommend tackling gorillas of any size.
Caveat: But if you do, please have a friend video it (from a safe distance) and forward it here.

Steamy pic credit: macbayfoto