Has anything good ever happened on the side of the road?
It’s where some hitchhikers wait to either find victims or become one (depending on the movie). It’s where Lorena dumped John’s severed penis. It’s where the mob dumps the whole body. It’s where the spit, garbage and used condoms land after they’re thrown from countless car windows. It’s where guys who can’t hold it anymore stop to urinate. It’s where drunks who can’t keep it down anymore lean out of the car to spew. It’s where animals struck by cars go to die. It’s where flies feast on them once they have. It’s where cops pull you over so they can give you tickets and superior looks. It’s where you pull over on your own after you’ve had an accident, blown tire, overheated engine, or run out of gas.
If you ever find yourself on the side of the road 99% of the time it’s for something unpleasant. But the other 1% of the time, it can be something fantastic, like finding…
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| Goin' my way? |
It’s where some hitchhikers wait to either find victims or become one (depending on the movie). It’s where Lorena dumped John’s severed penis. It’s where the mob dumps the whole body. It’s where the spit, garbage and used condoms land after they’re thrown from countless car windows. It’s where guys who can’t hold it anymore stop to urinate. It’s where drunks who can’t keep it down anymore lean out of the car to spew. It’s where animals struck by cars go to die. It’s where flies feast on them once they have. It’s where cops pull you over so they can give you tickets and superior looks. It’s where you pull over on your own after you’ve had an accident, blown tire, overheated engine, or run out of gas.
If you ever find yourself on the side of the road 99% of the time it’s for something unpleasant. But the other 1% of the time, it can be something fantastic, like finding…
a collection of ancient artifacts,
an autographed World Series cap,
half a key of cocaine (if you're into that),
or $22K in cash (and who isn't into that?).
Of course the odds are long against you finding any of those. Winning the lottery is much more likely -that happens a few times a day across the country. You're much more likely to have a Rutgeresque type stuff you in your own trunk. Just keep your gas full, oil fresh, and for Chrissakes stay in the middle!
Of course the odds are long against you finding any of those. Winning the lottery is much more likely -that happens a few times a day across the country. You're much more likely to have a Rutgeresque type stuff you in your own trunk. Just keep your gas full, oil fresh, and for Chrissakes stay in the middle!
This curious pitstop on the shoulder brought to you by the 30 days of roadside oddities.
You're right, most roadside moments usually have negative connotations. Let's all keep it between the lines.
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When I was a child it was where you found the odd penny, or where you picked up cigarette cards, or conkers, where you walked through the crisp autumn leaves, crunching them underfoot. You see, these were the days when very few people owned cars and before the streets got sanitised. The side of the road was a little goldmine for kids.
ReplyDeleteThose are pretty interesting things that were found on the side of the road. I'm going to have to slow down and look more closely in future.
ReplyDeleteYou might not pick Nicky up on her way to San Francisco, but I sure would!
ReplyDeleteWith my luck, I'd find Rutger Hauer's maggot infested, fly-swarmed dead body, clutching his severed penis in one hand and a dead squirrel in the other and right beside him would be the serial killer with a gleam in his eye. Sigh. I know you said no more interventions, but really. Would it kill you to make one little exception?
ReplyDeleteI hope I never get a flat tire. I always want to know the backstory when I see one shoe lying on the side of the road.
ReplyDeleteLove your dark perspective.
I guess I never really thought about how if one finds himself on the side of the road, something bad has happened. Hmmmm....food for thought. We need to find some really good side-of-the-road traditions!
ReplyDeleteNope. Mobs aren't that sloppy. And usually their disposals involve cement. heh heh
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do CONSTANTLY watch for trashbags with dollars hanging out of it.
Still haven't found it yet, but I keep looking!
HA!
I'd love to find 22K.
ReplyDelete