I read NIcky's piece few weeks back at We Work for Cheese about how the prices of various cheeses were rising pretty much across the cutting board. I thought it couldn't hurt if she wrote to the head of the cheese council, especially if she wrote in a language he'd understand. Something like...
Dear Syr,
much to my Chimay I see cheese prices shooting up to the Staazer and it's really Rubing me the wrong way. Have you by Chanco been snorting too much Cokelek? I don't want to be Rushan to judgement, but I won't Tilsit on my hands for this pile of Manoura either! It's a Majorero blow to our wallets and our Moale.
Let me Tulum you something, you need a Hellim a kick in the Butirro. Trying to Padduni your profits by Marqueta up your prices is no way Tosela a lot of cheese. Let me Leyden it out for you. If you think for one Seco this no-Gouda scheme will make you as rich as a Tvaroh so you can Tilsit on your money smiling like the Cheshire Catupiry then you really Bleu it. I'm normally quiet and Humboltd, and it's not easy to get my Pantysgawn in a bunch but you really Gotka my Goat.
Imsil mad Imokilly you if you Teleme it's Frue. Kwaito until I get my Handkase on you! This is a Trapista of your own design, a Formaela for failure, that will lead to your own Gravyer. I will Mesh you up and it doesn't Mato to me if I twist your Armola, Aura maybe Pecorino your eyes out. I don't like to Hirtenkase people but you're bringing out the Muenster in me. I'm only Motal, who could blame me one Bitto? I don't think any judge or Nguri would convict me, I bet they'd look the Urda way.
Tetilla the truth I can't Orda you to, but it would be music to my Paneers if you were to Knockanore your prices down on your own, if not today then Tomar. I'm sure the Crowdie of fellow cheese lovers out there would Bandel together and Brimsen with pride to again purchase your product in Abondance if they didn't need a bank Provolone to afford it anymore. I wouldn't Pultost your leg or give you Liptauer service. Just Dobrodar the right thing, Oka?
Sirenely yours,
cheese lover and badass
Nicky Magdelene
cheese lover and badass
Nicky Magdelene
Oh. My. You! This was freaking brilliant!! I award you 500 points. Unfortunately, I have to deduct because you said I wrote the post about the price of cheese when, in fact, it was Mike who wrote that one. So I deduct 1 point for the error.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, this is fantastic and I love it! Oh, and don't forget to put this link up on my post so everyone else can visit.
Ok, this is freakin' brilliant. I LOVE it!! You get 500 points for this post. It would have been 1000, but I had to deduct points because you made a mistake. I didn't write that post about cheese prices, Mike did. Seems God is not perfect after all.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, this is fantastic. Well done! Don't forget to link up on my post so everyone else can come by and read it too.
Damn. My first comment got an error message, so I wrote another one but I couldn't remember exactly what I wrote and now they're both there and they're not the same. Are you punishing me for that God is not perfect comment?
ReplyDeleteGood You, this is brilliant, You! But I'm not going to leave 500 comments like Nicky Magdalene did. That's just over the top.
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic! Creative and humorous. I don't even want to know how long it took! Well done!
ReplyDeleteOK, you deserve the 500 points for this. Excellent! Very clever word play.
ReplyDeleteMany of those I've not heard of, and most I haven't had the opportunity to try.
First, I'd like to thank Wikipedia for all its tireless encouragement and support during the production of this project, especially its List of Cheeses article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cheeses), my producers, technical staff, the post production crew, the lighting and sound guys, my wife, daughter, family and friends, and especially you the academy... everyone who came to read it... turned this little post into the international blockbuster it's become... an honor just to be nominated... hope I didn't forget anybody... OH! -and Mom and Dad!
ReplyDeleteThis is very clever and very funny. I bet it took a long time to do this.
ReplyDeleteWell done nagod! That must have taken a major effort and time that could have been spent arranging for world peace and eliminating famine, but hey , it made me laugh so that's all good.
ReplyDeleteDufus has some serious competition! Nicky gave me 500 points too, but she didn't say she would have given me 1000. Now I'm hurt and jealous too. This is a very fun post. You're good.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, for someone who claims to not actually be God, this post is very near Godly in its perfection. ;) Love it. Not cheese, though, I do not love cheese. ;)
ReplyDeleteWow! As we said back in the stoner days, "What a trip!" You win this one!
ReplyDeleteHoly crap this was hilarious. You've got it whey over me. Well done. I think we found our day 1 winner. I'm in awe. Truly.
ReplyDeleteThis was too good. Cheese and dairy on a whole other level. And mainly...what are most of these??
ReplyDeleteGreat post/take on the 1st prompt in this insanity!
Thank you everyone for your kind comments. This one was a lot of work, but it was the kind of work you don't mind since you can't help snickering while you do it because it's so much fun. "Imsil mad Imokilly you if you Teleme it's Frue." is just too much fun to write. This actually started as a comment for that 'price of cheese' post on WWFC, but it was taking too long and after a few days I just set it aside. I didn't delete it because I saw potential but I didn't do more on it until Nicky announced her 30 days of madness. The rest was kismet.
ReplyDeleteI'm laughing so hard I can barely see the words I am typing through the tears streaming down my cheeks. I even have to go back and read it again because I'm sure a few of the lines appeared a bit watery. A totally cheesy and inspiring piece of work!
ReplyDeleteYou may not actually be god, but you're damn gouda! ;-)