Some Key Do’s and Don’ts
0.
(Even though you haven’t been born
yet there’s still a few you could use)
DON’T kick and punch in there like you’re Jackie Chan. That heavy bag you’re pummeling is your mom and you’re going to need her after this. A lot.
DO enjoy the hell out of your non-demanding solitude. You will never. Ever. Have it again.
1.
DON’T be colicky if you can at all help it. If you exhaust your parents too early in the game they won’t have much left in the tank later. You’re going to need that goodwill during potty training.
DO take your time to get your bearings. It’s a huge complicated world out there, and most of it doesn’t make sense. Call it unintelligent design.
2.
DON’T be in such a hurry to start walking. It will lead to less personal service from your caregivers and more “You can get it yourself.” That’s a slippery slope, my friend.
DO fling as much food around as you can safely get away with. There’s only a short time window between learning the throwing motion and when it’s no longer cute, enjoy it.
3.
DON’T keep sticking everything you can into your mouth. Your improved mobility and climbing will put many non-food items in the house within reach. Very easy to kill yourself off this way but you’d be missing the best stuff which comes later. If you must, eat crayons.
DO watch Sesame Street whenever it’s on. It’s fun, all the other kids do, and you’ll learn a few useful things about life and basic grammar. You might hear some ugly rumors about Burt and Ernie later on. Don’t believe any of it, they’re just puppets. Not meat puppets, just puppets.
4.
DON’T be too eager to show off your smarts so fast. It could get you put into school early. This will make your parents oh so proud, but some bigger kid will hit you and take your cookies. Every day.
DO enjoy the hell out of cartoons. You’re finally starting to get the cooler ones while you still have time to enjoy them for hours on end. For now. School’s right around the corner no matter how much you play dumb. (No overdoing that either; they'll send you to a different school. They'll make you wear a helmet.)
5.
DON’T cry like a disgraced evangelist on your first day of school. Yes, you’ll be the center of attention, but (lesson one) there’s good attention and there’s bad. See? Learning’s fun!
DO smile every time the teacher looks at you. Win her heart. She’ll claim she likes all her kids the same, but they all have their favorites. And it’s a sweet, sweet life for the favorites.
Tips for Life ages 6-10 can be seen here.
Tips for Life ages 6-10 can be seen here.
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