Friday, January 25, 2013

Fake Girlfriends FOR SALE

She might be immobile and non-
communicative, but on the upside
she can't leave you and won't ever
give you any lip.
As if Fakebook wasn't fake enough, now you can purchase a fictitious girlfriend to enhance your online profile.  No kidding.  It even comes with comments, pictures and 'status change' to make it all seem real.  It's supposed to help your self esteem, or make you ex jealous, or make you seem less of a loser to whomever you're trying to impress.  It's sad.  Not just for the people who use, but for all of us as a society.  And it kind of makes me a little nostalgic.

What happened to the good 'ole days when only parts of a girl were fake, such as

skin - makeup, tanning booths, spray-on or 'Snookie' tans, plastic surgery
tits - pushup bras, miracle bras, tape, implants
hair - extensions, wigs, dye
lips - lipstick, botox
eyes - makeup, colored contacts, crows-feet surgery
belly - spankx, liposuction
nails - press-ons, polish
teeth - veneers, whiteners
height - stilettos, high hair

I understand.  They're trying to enhance their natural assets.  And the less of those they had, the more enhancement was needed.  I not only understand, I appreciate it.  Just the effort, regardless of how successful a woman is at it, is deeply appreciated.

Sometimes the illusion is absolutely necessary.  It's often made the difference between 'undoable' and a few drinks later 'oh shit, now that I can barely focus, she don't look half bad'.  Why do you think they have dim lighting at the club?  To protect that fragile illusion.  Why is the music so loud?  Same reason; to keep her nervous chit-chat and/or whiny voice from ruining said illusion.  So speaking for for all (straight) men, thanks for the show.  The illusion is everything.

-but underneath it all is a real girl with a real who-ha you could what-what in all night long -in actuality three to five minutes on average.  But what insertion point are you supposed to use if your girl only exists online?  I checked all sides of  my MacbookPro and there's no port for that anywhere.  (There is a phone jack port that is vaguely the right shape, but you'd have to be a Chinese mini-midget to use it.)

And to be fair -and before I start getting neg comments- along with the real woman underneath all the visual subterfuge is a real person you could relate to, and speak with for hours on a human level.  (Happy ladies?)  You know, if you were into that.


  1. I abhor false advertising, so I do prefer my women to be real.

  2. I'm conflicted -- this is so pathetic and yet someone really identified an untapped market and is probably making some serious cash because of it.