Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Brown Fat and Robots riding Camels

I just found out today we have a second kind of fat (no kidding) - brown fat.  You're likely thinking "Thanks jerkoff, that's all I need!"

Like I don't have enough problems already.

  Not to worry, it's healthy and actually helps burn the white fat (or Fat fat).  So, you know, GO BROWN!
  [Now I'm curious how many hits for UPS I'll get for that.]
  The other startling thing I learned this week was that arab camel racing enthusiasts are so rich they're buying robot jockeys to ride in these races as opposed to their old method of buying children from poor neighboring countries to be the jockeys.

  Of course, they didn't do this on their own.  It took international humanitarian outrage at all the children-buying a/k/a slave trading before they threw up their hands in frustration "What's the point of having all this oil money if we can't buy a few slave children to jockey our camel races?  Next they'll be telling us we shouldn't stone women to death for adultery if they've been raped.  What?!  They're already complaining about that?!"

If I were god... I'd still let the children be the jockeys, but the slave traders would be the camels.  I think a 5 mile course in the midday desert sun would make the point, don't you?

Snapshots 021612
Camels ridden by mechanical robots race to the finish during a six kilometer race at the 12th International Camel Race in Kebd February 14, 2012. According to organizers, camel jockeys were replaced by mechanical robots in 2005 due to international pressure because camel owners were found to be involved in human trafficking, buying children from countries like Pakistan and India for their smaller frame and lighter weight to ride on the camels.

Thursday, February 16, 2012


Eartha finds out the hard way the difference between 'real' and 'true'.

I'm sure there are a number of people checking their scores and calling either their long-suffering mothers or local zoologists.  But in case there are any 11's out there, I would gladly accept a Jolie or Knowles or even a Fox in lieu of an Aguilera.  (I am reasonable, am I not?) Also, a new hot tub.  Thanks, G!

Monday, February 13, 2012


didn't You?  But not a word that You wouldn't put any other creations before ME!"

It's been a while since the last installment, so let me recap the final paragraph of the last page so that the new pages make sense.  I was speculating on other possible theories for God's absence.

  Is He the Donald Trump of the Universe, developing properties all over the place, putting His name on everything, before selling His shares and moving on?  If this were the case I’d love to have the ticker symbol.  Not  
Next time: The God Test

It'll only be a short wait, a day or two, to make up for my Super Bowl winning sojourn away from here.  (In case you hadn't heard, THE GIANTS WON THE SUPER BOWL.  AGAIN.  see post below for details on how Ahmad Broadshaw brought the victory in for an ass landing.)

Monday, February 6, 2012

When Giants fall on their ass

-they win the SUPER BOWL.

Ass me no questions, I'll tell you no lies;
I forgot not to score.
Giant running back Ahmad Bradshaw was not happy to have scored the go-ahead touchdown with about a minute to go in this very tight Super Bowl.  As a Giant fan at home wearing my brand new Cruz jersey, I wasn't happy to see it.  He tried to stop at the 1 yard line, squatted to freeze his momentum, and tipped ass first into the end zone anyway.  History's only unwanted touchdown.  Why?  You don't leave Tom Brady that much time at the end of a game, not in the Super Bowl.  He wins them that way.

Except against my Giants.  Yes, my Giants.  The defence held again and the Giants won the Super Bowl.  A-gain.  Sorry, Tom.  I know that's twice now.  That's gotta hurt.  But he's already got Giselle Bundchen and three title rings.  This one belongs to clutch QB Eli Manning and the New York Giants.

And if I were god, I wouldn't have had it any other way.