Thursday, August 30, 2012

Don't tell ME it could be worse

-because it just might happen!

I don't much like that "It could be worse" platitude.  It either sounds like they're devaluing your tragedy, or noting that it might be about to actually GET worse.  Like, if you're hanging by a fingernail they'd be saying "You know, human fingernails are not meant to support your body weight, it'll probably tear off any second so not only are you about to fall to your death, it'll be incredibly painful on the way down (what with the fingernail being ripped out and all).

If somebody were in a car accident and stumbled away cut and bruised would you say "It could be worse" to them?  Why?  Because it could?  How does that help them deal with whatever they're going through?  What if fate is bored that day and hears that crap and decides to explore the possibilities?

"It could be worse."  Well, yes, true, it could be.  They could be pinned under the car with broken ribs.

One could go on "It could be worse."  True; the car could be dripping gasoline on them.

"It could be worse."  True; the gas could ignite.

"It could be worse."  True; this could be happening during an earthquake.

"It could be worse."  True; the quake could have been triggered by a nuclear attack.

"It could be worse."  True; this could all portend the imminent apocalypse.

"It could be worse."  True; one of the four horsemen storming by could trample your hand as you reached out for help.  So not only do you enter the afterlife with crushed ribs and horrific burns, but now your hand's all fucked up and you can't even self-apply the burn cream.  If they had any.

"It could be worse."  True; they might charge for the burn cream in the afterlife (it might be a republican afterlife) but you lost your wallet and cash in the car fire that deformed you for eternity.  So now you have to sit there steaming (figuratively and literally) while the trust fund babies saunter past you to buy up all the burn cream on the way to their tanning salons.  (If it's a republican afterlife all the country clubs there will have tanning salons)

Could it be worse NOW?  Yes, dear soul, it could.  It could've happen to ME.  (and I thank Me that it didn't!)

[Inspiration for this post came from one of Angie's, who's always worth a read]


  1. This could have been worse. I could have written it.

    Nice job; funny. I feel I must warn you that baseball will be the sport in Democratic afterlife, while football will prevail in the Republican afterlife. Which do you choose? :-)

  2. Yeah, for heaven's sake let me enjoy how bad things are before you tell me they could be worse.

  3. I hear you. I also hate the expression "worst-case scenario" for pretty much the same reason.

  4. Sully,
    says who??

    'enjoy'?? Ha ha. Be my guest!

    Nicky Mags,
    for some reason I don't mind that one so much. Maybe because it's a logic based diagnosis, like something a doctor might tell you about that suspicious rash.

  5. If someone is telling me "it could have been worse" I think they are a total idiot. Of course it could be worse, whack job, we could all be dead and in the process of being eaten by zombies. It could be worse, we could be not dead and being eaten by zombies. Fools!

  6. I'd rather hear "It could be worse" than hear how lucky I am that I didn't also lose my hat after I lost my head.

  7. Linda,
    er, you DO know zombies aren't real, right?

    Whole Lotta Luv (pardon the Zeplin fan in me)
    me too, but only because the second option features decrapitation (pardon the Beavis in me)

  8. I have a sinking feeling this is exactly what is going to happen on December 21.

  9. Ange,

    you're going to get your head stuck in a beartrap and a fox is going to sneak up and cornhole you on December 21st? How can you possibly know that?