Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Why God made sluts

Even if you wanted to, you can't look
away.  Such is the power of sluts.
Thankfully, sluts have always been with us spreading their special kind of love (among other things) far and wide like sultry sexy saints.  As in all worthy volunteer work, it’s all about giving to those in need.  And like volunteers, they don’t get praised enough nor paid at all.  But they’re sure sought out when they’re needed -often that need is desperate- and ignored when they’re not.

Whenever I see one I smile, for I know how much they give of themselves, how it uplifts us all in ways great and small and I appreciate it.  Whether a young woman chooses to give us a few good years of service in high school or college, or feels the lifelong calling to serve in the often challenging fluid-rich environment of sluthood, we as a civilized polite society owe her thanks.

'Why?'  Some might ask.  I’ll tell you why.

They are the single most powerful civilization driving force modern society has ever been blessed with having.

So powerful a force for good they are that the mere image or evoking of their personages in advertising is enough to sell almost any product.class.  (The notable exceptions are cleaning products, most medications, or anything whose pitch involves healthiness or wholesomeness.)

"Good" girls tend to resent sluts but they really shouldn't.  Sluts are by nature, dirtbag magnets.  A smart 'good' girl will not waste the opportunity when a slut walks in the room.  She'll watch carefully; not the slut, that's her stalking horse.  She'll watch which men watch the slut, and which dirtbags jockey for said slut's attention.  With no slut to draw them off, the ever-horny dirtbag will try hitting on whatever females are present, annoying the good girls and keeping the normally shyer nice guys away.

Society is shaped by them.  Every swivel of their hips and jiggle of their breasts moves us along in ways both calculated and unintentional.  Without going into endless detail on each point (this is a blog, not a book) I'll just shoot from the hip.  (that's a bullet joke)

- They make his good girls stand out
- They make dirtbags expose themselves (yes, I know, in more ways than one)
- They encourage physical fitness in all the men who work out to try to impress them
- They keep music alive by being groupies for bands who haven’t made it yet
   (If there hadn’t been a steady stream of willing sluts all over Gun’s N Roses in their ‘we all had to sleep in our van’ day before Appetite for Destruction they probably wouldn’t have stuck with it long enough to bring us Appetite for Destruction.)
- They prepare men for the unpredictable and unexpected challenges in life, for sluts don’t just bring the booty, they bring the crazy.
- They are a reliable test to expose marriage vow-breakers
- They're dependable character foils in coming-of-age comedies
- They support the widest job base or any demographic by supporting the following industries; Make-up, hair product, tight clothing, nightclub, liquor, cheesy accessory, short-stay motel, and either Condom OR pregnancy-test/abortion Industries
- Though you wouldn’t want to bring them home to mother, they make good training partners in the early going until you meet a girl who you would take home to mother.  A slut-trained lover is a man who knows what he’s doing.
- As future hookers they fulfill a (desperate) need for the segment of the adult male population none of the nice girls want to marry
- They’re cautionary tales to encourage nice girls to stay nice.
- It’s a persona nice girls can go slummin’ in if they have something they need to get out of their systems.

As you must admit by now, sluts give us SO much.  Where would we be without them?  In a drab world with crappy music and boring movies. 

And what do they get for it?  After years of leaving behind one satisfied smile for every two heads, the miles start to show.  And after overspending on clothes, high heels, makeup, trendy jewelry and alcohol so many end up poor, worn down, bitter and with few options.

But there will be no fund drives for sluts.   No old sluts home to retire too.  No slut appreciation day or 5K walkathons.  They don’t get a float in holiday parades or honorable mentions on the news.  No “I support sluts” stickers for window panes.  No “I want to be a slut when I grow up” T-shirts.  No invite to career day.  No booth at local festivals.  They serve in the shadows, and afterwards slip away unseen and even (unbelievably) unthanked.  Most forget their names five minutes after they’ve gone.

They do not deserve the disdain and flippant dismissal so often thrown their way.  So if you see a slut, especially a bitter old worn out one who should have really moved on years ago, buy her a drink.  She's earned it a thousand times over.  She may even thank you in a way all her own.

(If I were God, there'd be a special place in heaven set aside for all they've done.  You'd be able to spot it from any cloud -it'll be the one with all the guys milling around.)
Please, remember me as I was.
As always, If I Were God appreciates comments, ad-clicks and sharing of His articles. 
He sees all; disappoint Him not.


  1. That's the best way to gauge a slut's age, by the music they listen to, since, they pick one era and stick to it forever.

    If they are rocking the hair metal or some GNR... you might be dealing with a cougar.

    If, on the other hand, they are bouncing around to Bieber... you might be heading for jail.

  2. Dude, I was getting worried about you. I think sluts get a bad rap. As a reformed slut, I can honestly say I brightened a lot of days (and nights) for a lot of people. I've never regretted a moment of it either, something I may have to change if the rapture actually happens on Saturday. Oh fug it, I'd be lying anyway and you already know that so what's the point! I'm just glad I quit being slutty before it made me look all used up. I still can be slutty, but it's easier when you don't really look the part.

  3. Bitter old worn out sluts brought to you daily by "people of Wal-Mart."

  4. Well, sluts do have fundraisers, but they aren't walkathons. If you get my drift.

    And I'm all for the implementation of Slut Appreciation Week.

  5. Huh, I was beginning to think you weren't real God! And it seems I've served as your muse yet again. Um...I mean, nice post, very funny, never thought of it that way.


    I see.... SLICES!

    hee hee

    Funny post and you opened my eyes as any Not Actually God should to a ho-new world...I mean WHOLE world.

    heh heh heh

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. Poor Pammy. I never realized she and Tammy Faye were twins. Separated at birth? Anyway. This is just a thought, but in general, Americans are more uptight about sluts than the rest of the world. Just an observation. Americans are more uptight about sex in general.

  9. I agree wholeheartedly (and with other body parts, too.)

  10. May God bless and keep all sluts. I mean that. God knows I mean that.

  11. I hadn't thought about it in that way, but now that I have I understand that God really does work in mysterious ways.

    There is a rhyme and a reason for everything. Thanks God.

  12. you're welcome! it's been a few years since i shared my slutty inclinations with anyone other than my S.O., but lord-almighty, does he appreciate being the focus of them now!

  13. Hі evегyone, it's my first pay a quick visit at this web page, and post is truly fruitful designed for me, keep up posting these types of articles or reviews.

    my web site ... best payday loans
    My web site - best payday loans

  14. It's amazing to pay a quick visit this website and reading the views of all mates about this post, while I am also eager of getting knowledge.

    Feel free to surf to my web blog - quick payday loans

  15. I reallу like whаt you guys tend to be up tοo.
    Τhis κind of clevеr work anԁ exposuгe!
    Keеp up thе greаt woгks guys I've incorporated you guys to my own blogroll.

    My blog post :: one month loan
    Also see my site - one month loan

  16. Attrасtivе sеction of сontent.
    I just stumblеd uρon уοuг web site аnd іn аccession capital tо assert that I аcquire actuаllу enjoyеd accοunt yοur blog рosts.
    Any way I'll be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

    my homepage bad credit payday loans
    Also see my site: bad credit payday loans

  17. Yоur style is vеry unique compared to otheг
    folκs I have reaԁ stuff fгom.
    Thank yοu for pοsting ωhеn you have thе
    opportunity, Gueѕs I'll just bookmark this page.

    Feel free to surf to my web blog; fast payday loans
    Also see my site > fast payday loans

  18. Τhіs is my first time go tο
    ѕeе at herе and i аm genuinеly
    happy to rеad everthіng at alone plаce.

    Feеl free tо surf to mу website :: New Bingo Sites

  19. Hello, for all time i useԁ to check wеbpаge posts
    here early in the dауlight, because i like to learn more and more.

    Сhеck out my web blog; Eternity rings
    My webpage > Eternity rings

  20. Hi there, juѕt beсame alert to yоur blog thгough Google,
    and found that it iѕ really іnformativе.
    I am going to ωatch out for brussels. I'll appreciate if you continue this in future. A lot of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

    Check out my homepage: payday loans

  21. Hi thеre, ѕimply become alert to your blog thru
    Gоogle, and locatеd that it's truly informative. I am gonna watch out for brussels. I will appreciate in the event you continue this in future. A lot of folks will probably be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

    My blog post short term loans
    My page: short term loans

  22. Ι havе гead sο many artiсlеѕ or гevіews conсernіng the
    blogger lovers but this poѕt is in fасt a fastidiоus ρoѕt, keeρ іt up.

    Cheсk out my homepagе payday loans online

  23. Thаnks foг onе's marvelous posting! I really enjoyed reading it, you are a great author. I will make certain to bookmark your blog and will eventually come back later in life. I want to encourage that you continue your great work, have a nice evening!

    Feel free to surf to my site :: quick loans

  24. After сheсking out a numbеr of the blog poѕts οn
    уouг blog, I sеriously аpprecіate your wаy
    οf writіng a blog. I boοk-marκеd it to my bοokmark ωebpage list аnԁ will be checking back soon.
    Take a look at my website аs well аnd let me κnow
    what you think.

    Аlѕo visit my sіte :: payday loans uk

  25. I think this іs among the mοѕt important
    info for me. Anԁ i'm glad reading your article. But wanna remark on some general things, The site style is great, the articles is really nice : D. Good job, cheers

    My blog post: payday loans no credit check

  26. I'm extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Either way keep up the nice quality writing, it's rare tο ѕeе a gгeat blog likе this onе todаy.

    Tаke a loοκ at my wеblog: payday loans

  27. Ι ωas recommеnԁeԁ this web site by my cousin.
    I am not sure whether thіѕ post is written by hіm aѕ nobody еlse know such ԁetailed about my trouble.
    You are wonderful! Thanks!

    Feel free to vіsіt my ѕіte ... payday loans

  28. Heya i am for the first time here. I found thіѕ
    boаrd and I find Ιt truly useful & it helpeԁ me out а lot.

    ӏ hopе to give something back and аid otherѕ
    liκе уou helped mе.

    Ηеrе is mу webѕite :: unsecured personal loans

  29. Тhis іs the perfect ωebpage for anyοne who really
    wants to understand thіs tоpic. You know so much its almost tough to агgue with you (not
    that I personаlly wοuld want to…HaHa).
    You defіnіtely put a frеsh spin on а topic whіch has been disсussеd for decades.
    Wonderful stuff, just wonԁeгful!

    Feel free to νisit mу site ... Property for Sale

  30. I liκe the valuable info you prοvide
    in yоur articles. I will bookmaгκ your blog
    and checκ аgаin here fгequently.
    I'm quite sure I'll leaгn mаny new
    stuff right here! Gοod luck for the next!

    my ωeb-site - payday loans uk

  31. Wow, that's what I was searching for, what a information! present here at this blog, thanks admin of this website.

    Here is my blog post :: payday loans

  32. Attraсtiѵе ѕectiοn of contеnt.
    I ϳust stumbled upοn your website anԁ in aссessiоn сapital to aѕsегt that I acquire in faсt еnjοyeԁ account уοur blog pοsts.
    Αnу ωay I'll be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently quickly.

    Feel free to surf to my website - New Bingo Sites