Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday the 13th, TEST DAY

It’s here again; the day those of us with mental means -rich of reason, if not actual riches- gets to separate ourselves from the mentally meager, the logically lacking, the steeped in superstition.  Yes, there are still some people even in this, the 23rd century, who hold superstitions (or as some would mock ‘stupidstitions’) like a second religion.  

These are the kind of people who take great care in not stepping on any cracks in the sidewalk, lest they cause traumatic spinal injuries to their female parent.

They will turn away and change direction if they spot a feline with black fur about to cross their path.

Friday 13th Black Cat Walk Under Ladder Mirror Break Cross Your Path Unlucky Lucky Happy Killer Weekend Icon Icons Emoticon Emoticons Animated Animation Animations Gif Gifs
They’ll believe they’re screwed -and not in a good way- if they break a mirror.

They won’t walk under a ladder not because it’s inherently unsafe, but because it’s ‘bad luck’.

It gives me an idea for a ethnic-neutral IQ test I could sell the government; a ladder made of black cats and broken mirrors, placed over a path riddled with cracks, -and we’ll see who walks under without a problem, who hesitates, and who refuses.  It can be timed and graded accordingly.
In fact I think they should have this set-up at the front door to all standardized testing facilities; the SAT’s, MCATs, and LSATs.  Kind of a pre-screening if you will.  Only those who pass under should be allowed to take those standardized tests.  Do you realize what we’re all risking by not?

You could be on the table for emergency brain surgery when your superstitious surgeon comes across the blackened blood clot.  It’s shaped like a cat.  He runs screams from the operating theater.  You on the other hand, never scream.  Or run.  Or go to the theater.  Ever again.

You could be facing a double homicide charge, on trial for your life, and your superstitious lawyer decides on a ‘bad luck’ defense; “Your honor, although we concede my client chased the two deceased for blocks and fired a total of 27 shots -after reloading twice- we feel it is of paramount importance to note that the victims not only ran under a workman’s ladder, but collapsed between the Black Cat dress shop and a Friday’s eatery, ON 13th street!  And though several of the shots passed through their bodies, exactly 13 slugs were found still lodged inside them.  THIRTEEN, your honor.  Thirteen.  It’s obvious these two were inherently and profoundly unlucky.  Something bad was bound to happen to them.  And since we all know luck is part of the natural order of these things, it really just makes my client a tool of fate, of nature even.  I move that all charges be dismissed as the victims clearly died of natural causes!  Defense rests.”

So beware the menace of the superstitious.  They should not just be mocked, but carefully avoided.  The risks are too great.

It wouldn’t even be a bad idea to have the mirrorcat ladder at the emergency room entrance.  If somebody is badly injured, but still doesn’t want to enter under it then we don’t force them.  Do we really need them surviving and diluting the gene pool?  Isn’t the shallow end dangerously low enough at this point?


  1. Friday the 13th has always been a lucky day for me! My first child was even born Friday the 13 during a meteor shower and a full moon. GOOD GOOD DAY. :)

  2. I got married on Friday the 13th. I also got married on a Monday the 8th, a Saturday the 16th, oh I could go on but I won't. But 3 on a match is really bad luck.

  3. Kat,
    despite what I wrote, I only bet on 7, 11, & 21 at a roulette table.

    I just assumed you've got MOST of the calender covered!

  4. An interesting note that I always like to point out (so I'm doing it here, and you're welcome) is that black cats are actually considered lucky in some countries. It is considered a great boon for one to cross your path in those locales. I point this out to people who have just said, "Ah! A black cat! Bad luck!", with the hope that they might put two and two together and try to figure out how a feline could possibly be both bad luck and good luck, but they never seem to make that connection (quite possibly because if they could put two and two together in the first place...)

  5. It took me forever to be able to comment here! Did you know that there's a picture of a ladder and a black cat on your blog? The black cat didn't bother me so much (well, except for the fact that you posted a picture of a cat on your blog. I found that very disturbing.), but don't you know how unlucky it is for bloggers to write a comment under a picture of a ladder? I'm risking 7 years of my blog not going viral!!

  6. Sully,
    I think those locales you speak of must be 3rd world countries -thus proving my point?

    Nicky Mags,
    I'm afraid that ship has sailed. Maybe you should finish your 'Take me with you' tween romance novella?

  7. I had absolutely no action on Friday the 13th. That doesn't mean I am lucky or anything. I expect it means quite the opposite. I never get lucky!