Kayla Khan, scourge of daycare

KNEEL BEFORE KHAN !!

My nearly two year old daughter Kayla hit her first kid in daycare last week.  With a toy.

There’s no way to prove for sure that my daughter is not a descendant of Ghengis Khan; ancestry.com does not go back that far.  Alarmingly, I understand she struck from the east, as he did, and with little warning, also as he did, but I am fairly certain her attack was not aided by fast moving groups of mounted archers.  (Thankfully there are no reports of the presence of mounted cavalry of any kind)  This gives me hope she is not indeed a distant progeny of the elder Khan nor is she likely to sack eastern Europe and lower Russia in the foreseeable future.  I am quite sure that kind of aggression would get her kicked out of daycare, which would be terrible as this one is close, clean, cheap and her aunt Betty works there.



Why does she line them up like that, and call for reinforcements in Mongolese?

And who the hell taught her Mongolese?

But she did use a weapon.  I have a nagging feeling it may be my fault.  I have HBO and can stream Netflix.  As an infant she was in the room as I was watching all manner of unedited guy films, including Pulp Fiction.  Nobody was close enough to hear what she was saying as she struck that kid, but I dearly hope she wasn’t quoting scripture like Jules “And I will smite thee with a furious vengeance…”  I’d hate to think she was taking lessons from Tarrantino’s favorite hired assassin.  

You CAN hold it sideways for extra
menace, but that's punk.



Jules was only (pulp) fictional, but Khan was real as death, which he and his heirs meted out liberally on their various bi-continental tears.  Nobody could stop them either.  They out maneuvered and outfought every European army that tried to stand against them.  The only thing that stopped their epic onslaught was being called home.  When old Khan died, three princes were in the army rampaging through Europe at the time and had to return for the election of the new emperor.  That’s what saved Europe in the 13th century.

Daycare will have no such luck.  The only think that will stop a rampaging Kayla Khan is being recalled by the sound of her favorite show, The Fresh Beat Band.  It’s a live action song and dance show, quite gay, but kids love it.  Once that’s on, she’ll run over to cheer for Kiki, her favorite.  So heed this warning helpless villagers of daycare; once Kayla Khan yells “KIKI!” you’ve got a half an hour headstart to get the hell out of Dodge.  That’s time enough to reach minimum safe distance if you don’t screw around. 

You’ve been warned.



The day may come when only Kiki, on guitar, can save you.



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