Should God ask Australia to the prom?

If I were God, I’d take Australia to the prom.  Yes, I know you didn't know there was a prom like that.  No, you can't go.  You're not a continent or a deity.  No, you can't fake your way in, they card at the door.  I can hear the murmurs already; why Australia?

Yes there are more obvious continents to choose;

There’s Europe, sophisticated with an aloofness that makes you want her more, 

There’s North America, brash and adorably reckless, the envy of many

And South America, the overly willing little sister with something to prove,

There’s Asia, smart n’ savvy, but somehow demure and exotic at the same time,

[There’s always Africa, also exotic, but way too troubled to make a good date,]

And then there’s Australia

The dingo accusation proved to be false, and Ms Streep was
 later prosecuted, found guilty and jailed for dingo slander.

I know as well as anyone she’s had her problems.  Though lush and vast, this lonely redheaded stepchild of the global family must not only endure the vertigo and light headedness of being perpetually upside down, but also the disrespect of the frequent ‘only an island’ slurs disputing her continency.  (Though she can at least take heart that nobody is accusing her of incontinency.  But really, sitting in warm water like she is, who could blame her?  Sitting alone in warm water like she is, who would even know?)

I'm guessing some readers may think she's not suitable?  Maybe you just don't know her like I do.  Never mind what you may have heard.  Take a minute to get to know her before you pass judgement like that.

Maybe a quick profile would help dispel some misconceptions;

Mischaracterizations: A sprawling conclave of criminality and riff-raff founded during the colonial era. 

Characterization: you’re probably thinking of Washington D.C., Australia’s population is actually pleasant and peaceful

Unanswered Questions:  Why IS Australia all by itself?

Allegedly: It was left alone in the corner to think about what it did.

Actually: Asia smelled a little funny at the time (in pre-soap era) so she just stepped back a bit

What the world can thank Australia for:

Qantas, Rainman-verified as the world’s only crash free airline

Crocodile Dundee, for showing us all know what a knife’s supposed to look like

Nicole Kidman, gave us hope that even if you marry a closeted gay actor you can still fix your life

Men at Work, for reminding the world in the 80's that there is something besides open water between Guam and the South Pole -a whole civilized (English-speaking), Vegemite eatin' continent.

Air Supply, whose multi-platinum sleep inducers were the only thing able to knock us out if Vegemite belly-aches were keeping us up.

Infantilizing English – bastardizing of accepted mature terminology like firemen and electrician into firies and wiries allows Americans and Brits to feel smarter and superior, even though Australia actually ranks higher in language education, mathematics, science, class size, spending per student, school attendance, graduation rates, degree achievement, and shrimps on the barbie per capita. [Australia is proudly second in the world in this final category, behind only Papua New Guinea - the juggernaut of crustacean-based economies]

And beyond all that, she’s recently gained stature with a gallant effort to aid earthquake stricken New Zealand.  It not only made me take a second look at her, but it's the reason I would take her to the prom this year.

Also, check it out: nobody fills out a top like Australia! (va-va-voom!  Nice elevations!)


 

And sporting a little under-boob too, cheeky monkey!

So yeah, Australia, I'd be happy to take you to the prom.
You know... if you don't already have a date or whatever

As always, If I Were God appreciates comments, ad-clicks and sharing of His articles. 

He sees all; disappoint Him not.