Friday, February 11, 2011

4 Scurrilous rumors about lovely Guam -DEBUNKED

Stop Hating on Guam!

Well it didn't take long for the haters to resent the attention Guam is now basking in.  Nasty rumors have been spread and in the interests of truth, I must refute them.  [Somebody please pass this to Sarah Palin as an example of the proper use of the word 'refute' -thx]


If you come here you will not get Guamorrhea.  Sun and good food, yes.  Fictitious diseases, no.

Nobody lives in huts made of batshit and straw called Guamdominiums.  They live in nice houses, like you.

No crazed practitioners of Tae Guam Do will attack you in the street.  It's an island, not a Jet Li movie.

Locals do not travel smelly canals in Guamdolas.  You're thinking of Venice.  Beautiful there too, BTW.

Guam is in fact, so breathtakingly lovely that visitors unused to it's beauty may need an inhaler just to stay conscious.  It's not surprising that it is enjoying such a global resurgence in popularity these last few days that it is now by far the world's most frequently mentioned country in articles and posts written about Guam.

I hope this clears a few things up.  As for the scurrilous rumors, I have my best gossip-trackers on the case now.  And when when they let me know who's bearing false witness, well then, somebody's going to get smote!

As always, If I Were God appreciates comments, ad-clicks and sharing of His articles. 
He sees all; disappoint Him not.


  1. I'm glad you are "pro-Guam" since you are emperor now. Or President. Or "Head god Dude". It's a tropical wonderland. In fact, I want to go there.

  2. I don't know why the Guamaritas love me so, maybe it's just the partiers (seen to the right, above "To believe or not to believe", in a recent hi-res un-photoshopped and completely candid shot taken when I was there last) But I'm soaking it up like pancakes in syrup. Even pompus would-be gods need luv too ;p

  3. Wait a minute! My ex told me he got Guamorrhea while in Guam! That lying #$%&! I guess I'm not that surprised. He also told me he got it from a toilet seat.

    Smote away!

  4. Oh Nicky,
    you could have caught him right then if you'd only known a little more about the place. There isn't a toilet seat on the island; they use guamodes.