Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Body and its Uses naughty & nice part II

The Final Four:

If you missed Body Uses part I, here's your link.

More on the anus;
Although a valid case for suppositories as an optional use could be made, so to then could 'improvised pleasure node', which has led to too many dangerous experiments resulting in permanent damage, surgical removal and even death.  The documented list of unapproved insertions includes (but is not limited to) light bulbs, plungers, frozen food, hand tools, and concrete.  This is true; one man had his boyfriend pour concrete in his anus to let it harden, expecting a pleasureable sensation upon its removal.  Several hours of harrowing surgery proved him incorrect.
If you're as done as I am with the subject of assholes abusing their assholes, we can move on...

Please understand.  I am not actually forbidding any of the unapproved uses (with the exception of clitoral mutilation), but if you go off the reservation you’re in the same no-man’s land as if you were to use your iPod as a doorstop.  Misuse voids your warranty.  You can pray for intervention, but don’t hold your breath.  If you shove a light bulb where no light is normally available I can promise you I won’t come sweeping down from heaven with forceps and K-Y.  You are    on    your    own.

Hopefully that cleared a few things up.  So by all means go have fun -within reason.

As always, If I Were God appreciates comments, ad-clicks and sharing of His articles. 
He sees all; disappoint Him not.


  1. Hilarious. The word "junkitalia" needs to go in the urban dictionary right now.

  2. Machinations 3:16?

    Now that is blasphemy with which I can get on board.

    You do make me giggle, NRG.

    And I RARELY giggle.

    - B x

  3. OMG! You say it's okay to practice??? I often wondered why there weren't a lot more blind people but now I think I understand. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Wait, let me get my glasses and re-read this to make sure I got it right.

  4. Of course it's ok to practice, how else would one get get good at it? The blindness rumor came from an earthly prude, not a heavenly dude. Practicing in pairs is preferable, but alone can help keep you in 'game shape' -so to speak.

  5. Cement?? CEMENT??! AAAAHH -my brain hurts now. I will never be the same knowing about this.

    Is drinking bleach to clear away bad memories in the brain approved?

  6. No! Bleach is NOT approved for that. Great sex on the other hand... known to work wonders.