Thursday, February 3, 2011

2010 year end revie- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

As He looks down upon creation to see what man has achieved lately.  Knowing all the vast tools man has at his disposal, creativity, intelligence, technology, etc... all at his command to achieve the noblest aspirations he can conceive.  Below, an awards ceremony is televised globally to celebrate just that -achievement- as the most acclaimed woman in her field of endeavor this year is introduced
-and He looks down to see her, a singer
-draped in dead animal tissue; a meat dress.

If I were God, I'da felt such disappointment in that moment I'd be tempted to make rain, for about six weeks.  Tempted, but not quite enough to do it just yet.  Maybe just a little retraining, a kind of refresher course of what gets used for what.  Seeing that fat-marbled mess makes me wonder if He thinks we've forgotton which parts of sheep and cattle were meant for food and which for clothing.

Methinks this review ought to go back to the basics, the old-school basics.  As old school and basic as I can get; we'll start with the classic 4 elements of the ancients, just so everybody's clear on what they're for.

If this all seems unnecessary or condescending just note how many times you recognize common 'unnapproved' uses and you'll get one of those 'oh, yeah' momments of clarity.  Some of you, sadly, will be flat-out surprised.

I hope that was illuminating.  In fact, I think a few more of these, covering various other things commonly misused, misunderstood, mis-inserted... would be a needed service to more people than you realize.  Keep an eye out for them.  Until then, don't stick anything anywhere unless you know for sure it belongs there.

As always, If I Were God appreciates comments, ad-clicks and sharing of His articles.  He sees all; disappoint Him not.


  1. Just added another item to my bucket list: I want a Viking funeral.

  2. At first I thought you were going to talk about "Earth Wind and Fire". I have a couple of other suggestions, if I may be so bold.

    Earth: Approved - A place for dogs to dig
    Optional: Mud pies, mud baths
    Unapproved: Burying people alive

  3. I think my favorite part of this entire thing was the fact that rocks are not approved for "Unproven" claims of infidelity. This means, I'm assuming, that if you can prove it, stone the bitch.

  4. What a unique idea for a blog!

    And your topic was quite interesting, too!

    I have a couple of blogs:

    Come on home

    Working at home advice

    Have a fantabulous weekend!

    Carolee Sperry
    The Blogging Biz Mom

  5. @ Chris,
    the stoning references some groups that are clearly waaay behind the curve on a lot of things. So let's not give the slow kid too much at once; I'd have them work on the importance of guilt vs innocence before moving on to higher concepts like fair sentencing. Baby steps.

  6. Totally get that.

    Still. Line up the cheating wives (and husbands) and make a pay-per-view event of it. Call it something like "Rocking Their World".

    That douchebag who cheated on Sandra Bullock could be the first contestant.

  7. Sorry I've been absent. But your mercy is infinite, so you gotta forgive me. Unless your sovereign will is bent against me. Whatev.

    Anyway, it still pisses me off that paper beats rock. It's WROOOONNGGG!!!!