Saturday, February 12, 2011
9 Celebrities who would shoot Cupid on sight
More than you would guess, and not without cause.
You know who you are, and I know you've got your reasons.
1. You're Sandra Bullock, he not only made you fall for a
dirt-bag, he made the dirt-bag fall for a ho-bag.
2. You're Paul McCartney, and you could've had anybody
after Linda, anybody, and he made you go for a one-legged
3. You're Angelina Jolie, and you already know how
susceptible Brad Pitt is to those arrows.
4. You're Jennifer Aniston, and frankly, you've had enough.
5. You're Donald Trump, that little winged prick cost you more cash more times than the housing crash.
6. You're Julia Roberts, and you still can't believe you ever married Lyle Lovett.
7. You're Charlie Sheen, and that little bastard did it to you again.
8. You're Bill Clinton, and he told you you're cut off for life.
9. You're Sarah Palin, and though Cupid never wronged you; you just like shooting stuff.
They all have it in for Cupid, the perennial emblem of Valentine's Day and mischievous and voyeuristic cherub who, with his Bow of Blinding, has wrongly linked more hapless couples together than angry farmers with shotguns. He enjoys a far better reputation than he deserves, owing to the human habit of crediting the person who introduced a happy new couple to each other, but forgetting who that person was by the time it all ends in tears.
Outside of Lady Gaga and her fondness for bad romance, no decent people enjoy love gone wrong. (Divorce lawyers don't count; I said 'decent people')
Since a recent statistical analysis showed definitively that less than 5% of relationships actually last long enough to be rewarding, Cupid's heretofore legendary aim and foresight has been debunked, exposing him as little more than an arbitrary sniper with a cruel sense of humor and an obsolete weapon. As such, there is now a price on the little bastard's head and his days are considered numbered.