I am now the president of GUAM

Greetings to Guam!

For whatever reason the native Guamians suddenly think this site is Guamarific.  13 hits in the last 24 hours; outnumbering any other country including the US, Canada, and Purgatory.  13 may seem like a low number, but it would have been enough to get me public office there had my name been on the ballot.  (or if they had ballots, or offices...)  What makes the number more amazing is that there are only 12 computers on the island not made of coconuts.  So they are a people who share.  I like that.

[Guamians: don't mind the jokes there.  It is from your ranks I will raise my army.  Wait for the signal...]

I don't know what made the love blossom so all of a sudden, but I'd sure like to know!  I have some cold margueritas for any Guamitas that can clue me in.

If you send me a key to the city I will accept it with grace.  (Assuming there is a city, and it has at least one lock)  But I will not move there to assume the mantle of power until I receive a ceremonial sash -must not be made of woven leaves.  Make it white, k?  Kinda my color.

UPDATE

The Guaminians need me more than I first realized.  They're sending me a plea for help, cleverly coded in carefully placed outdoor sculpture they knew I would be able to see from heaven. 

The message is so clear to Me now, how could I have missed it before?

Imperialists imposed their religion on the helpless island, symbolized by the oversized chess piece 'the bishop' seen banishing the indigenous culture -symbolized by a native figure- who must flee by sea in half a canoe, (the back half presumably seized to pay unfair taxes -a classic imperialist move) while painfully impaled in the head by the bishop's colonial writing quill.  You can see the bishop's hand still open, having just released the quill.  One can only admire how bravely, nay, stoically, the noble native conducts himself while hopelessly rowing his jagged canoe half, despite the obviously painful head trauma he's enduring.

I feel compelled to help; brace thyselves.

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He sees all; disappoint Him not.