Monday, April 4, 2011

"I don't exist" hoax uncovered by thinking child

Friday's earth-shaking announcement "I don't exist" previously thought to be by God has been debunked by a simple question posed by a young child.  The insightful query was simply this "Daddy, how could he say anything if he didn't exist?" 

Daddy was dumbfounded, and mummy too.  They posed the question to their local congressman who, answerless, passed it up the chain until it eventually came before several Washington think tanks.  After being verified as logically sound, a second question arose.  How did a young child come up with this in the first place when nobody else had? 

After consulting with scholars from various disciplines it was determined the youngster had employed what was later identified as the arcane art of 'critical thinking'.  This is apparently the art of 'thinking', rare enough these days, done in a manner best described as 'critical'.  Scientists claim that all people are actually capable of this though it hardly seems likely since nobody does.

God Himself has remained mute on the subject.  Possibly feeling it is beneath Him, possibly not wanting the exacerbate our shame, or worst of all: possibly so angry He's thinking of scrapping the whole thing and starting over.

Creator's remorse?
Casting further doubt on the original claim is the fact that it was made on April 1st.  -really, people.  How easy are you?

As always, If I Were God appreciates comments, ad-clicks and sharing of His articles. 
He sees all; disappoint Him not.


  1. OMG. Now I feel like a total tool. How could I not have noticed the date? What a smart young'un that chickadee is! I love that in a girl!

  2. Creator's remorse: I would imagine there's many a time when God wishes he'd quit on Friday while he was ahead.

  3. KID: Daddy, where does God live?
    DAD: He lives inside us.
    KID: Isn't God bigger than us?
    DAD: Yes.
    KID: If God is bigger than us and He lives inside us, wouldn't God show through?

  4. You know, at first I thought you were calling me a child because I thought that very same thing when I read Friday's post. And I could have sworn (though not on your name, of course) that I left that as a comment. But I didn't. So there you go.

  5. Time to give credit where credit is due.

    Nicky baby, it was your idea in the first place. I wasn't going to do anything for April fools (a lost opportunity for a satirist) until I read yours at 'Will Work for Cauliflower'. The name change gag is an oldy but a goody. (a moldy but a gouda?) Thanks for the inspiration.

    I encourage everyone to click on Nicky's name and give her a visit at 'Will Work for Cheese'.

    Don't ever say I'm not a just god.

  6. God is endorsing us?! And here I thought my prayers would go unanswered forever!! Thank you God!

    Seriously, thanks for the shout out. And the credit.

    Your humble servant,

  7. Think of what the world could be if people actually... thought.