Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My half-birthday, on Thursday




In two days, on April 21, If I Were God... will be six months old.
This calls for a celebration; a party even!  And you're all invited.  What should you bring? 
I dunno.  What does one give for a half birthday?

Not a homemade cake - it would be half baked
Not birthday sex - it would be half faked

Not a new body - it would be half assed
Not a new flag - it would be at half mast

Not new love - it would be half hearted
Not a new haircut - it would be half parted

Not a midget bride - she'd be a half wife
Not a radiated rabbit - he'd have a half life

Not a refurbished laptop - it would only be half fixed
Not an instant margarita - it would only be half mixed

Not a new drinking buddy - who's already half in the bag
Not his drunk dog either - who can only half wag

I guess not a new anything - if it would be half crappy
I guess on a half birthday, you can only be half happy

As always, If I Were God appreciates comments, ad-clicks and sharing of His articles. 
He sees all; disappoint Him not.

9 comments:

  1. This is a good time to travel into the future and talk with your year-old blog. Take note of how awesome it is and how much you have enjoyed it. I travel back and forth in time every day. Not to escape or anything. It helps me enjoy this moment more.

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  2. I'll be by on the 21st with some half-hearted wishes for you. You are really in a poetic bent today, aren't you?

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  3. Yes ma'am, I am.
    But not ham or spam.
    Nor Sam, Pam or...
    Well, maybe ham I am. Damn.

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  4. That's pretty good, but a radiated rabbit? Where the hell does THAT thought come from?

    Let me be among the first to wish you a Hap Birt.

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  5. That's not half bad. Nope, not half bad at all. ;)

    Happy half-blogoversary, my friend. It's been a whole pleasure getting to read you.

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  6. 6 months, hmmmm? Somehow, I thought you'd been around longer. Like since the dawn of time. Happy sixmonthablogaversary God. It's been a real pleasure getting to know you.

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  7. Mrs. Not ActuallyApril 19, 2011 at 9:08 PM

    Ok...so I was going to try to come up with something clever or witty to write....but then I realized...that's your job!! :) On a serious note NAG, I just wanted to say that I am so proud of you. Your blog is such a wonderful creation and I have enjoyed reading every word. You are clever,funny and even...dare I say it...relevant. I love your wit, your personality and your way with words. Babe, this Mrs NAG just loves you. Happy sixmonthablogaversay...or something like that! Love you!!

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  8. Knuck,
    it's part of my creative process; I start with a punchy end, like wanting to work in "half life", and work backwards.
    I also wanted bigger/better shooting stars and wound up with one so big it ruined my dinosaur collection. -so it doesn't always work out.

    Lady Jayne,
    well met and backatcha

    Nicky Nicky Nicky
    The blog's been around six months. My *ahem* research has been going on FOREVER

    Mrs. NAG, (comically appropriate?)
    Thank you for the support; incidental, emotional, commental, and horizontal. You know I believe good satire/a pithy turn of phrase is a thing of beauty -and creating beauty is something I've always aspired to whether it be my painting, drawing, writing or filmmaking. But after 40+ years dabbling in all those and more I have to say that by far THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I EVER DID MAKE I MADE WITH YOU. -And if she doesn't stop throwing her food off her high chair tray like rice at a wedding I'm going to go seriously mental.

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  9. Ugh, you're such a "glass is half full" non-God, aren't you?

    You've been here six WHOLE months now, n'est-ce pas?

    You're now PAST THE MIDWAY POINT to a full 12 months with us.

    You're STATISTICALLY ABOVE AVERAGE, according to a survey on "average lengths" ((cough))in a sad, sad land.

    (Whoever took that survey is now probably something of a "half full-er" herself, poor chicken...)

    Happpy 6 months, Captain Cubano.

    I there IS a God, I think He'd definitely be a Equo-Cuban.

    And I'd be in a whole load of trouble.

    - B x

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