Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My half-birthday, on Thursday

In two days, on April 21, If I Were God... will be six months old.
This calls for a celebration; a party even!  And you're all invited.  What should you bring? 
I dunno.  What does one give for a half birthday?

Not a homemade cake - it would be half baked
Not birthday sex - it would be half faked

Not a new body - it would be half assed
Not a new flag - it would be at half mast

Not new love - it would be half hearted
Not a new haircut - it would be half parted

Not a midget bride - she'd be a half wife
Not a radiated rabbit - he'd have a half life

Not a refurbished laptop - it would only be half fixed
Not an instant margarita - it would only be half mixed

Not a new drinking buddy - who's already half in the bag
Not his drunk dog either - who can only half wag

I guess not a new anything - if it would be half crappy
I guess on a half birthday, you can only be half happy

As always, If I Were God appreciates comments, ad-clicks and sharing of His articles. 
He sees all; disappoint Him not.


  1. This is a good time to travel into the future and talk with your year-old blog. Take note of how awesome it is and how much you have enjoyed it. I travel back and forth in time every day. Not to escape or anything. It helps me enjoy this moment more.

  2. I'll be by on the 21st with some half-hearted wishes for you. You are really in a poetic bent today, aren't you?

  3. Yes ma'am, I am.
    But not ham or spam.
    Nor Sam, Pam or...
    Well, maybe ham I am. Damn.

  4. That's pretty good, but a radiated rabbit? Where the hell does THAT thought come from?

    Let me be among the first to wish you a Hap Birt.

  5. That's not half bad. Nope, not half bad at all. ;)

    Happy half-blogoversary, my friend. It's been a whole pleasure getting to read you.

  6. 6 months, hmmmm? Somehow, I thought you'd been around longer. Like since the dawn of time. Happy sixmonthablogaversary God. It's been a real pleasure getting to know you.

  7. Mrs. Not ActuallyApril 19, 2011 at 9:08 PM

    Ok...so I was going to try to come up with something clever or witty to write....but then I realized...that's your job!! :) On a serious note NAG, I just wanted to say that I am so proud of you. Your blog is such a wonderful creation and I have enjoyed reading every word. You are clever,funny and even...dare I say it...relevant. I love your wit, your personality and your way with words. Babe, this Mrs NAG just loves you. Happy sixmonthablogaversay...or something like that! Love you!!

  8. Knuck,
    it's part of my creative process; I start with a punchy end, like wanting to work in "half life", and work backwards.
    I also wanted bigger/better shooting stars and wound up with one so big it ruined my dinosaur collection. -so it doesn't always work out.

    Lady Jayne,
    well met and backatcha

    Nicky Nicky Nicky
    The blog's been around six months. My *ahem* research has been going on FOREVER

    Mrs. NAG, (comically appropriate?)
    Thank you for the support; incidental, emotional, commental, and horizontal. You know I believe good satire/a pithy turn of phrase is a thing of beauty -and creating beauty is something I've always aspired to whether it be my painting, drawing, writing or filmmaking. But after 40+ years dabbling in all those and more I have to say that by far THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I EVER DID MAKE I MADE WITH YOU. -And if she doesn't stop throwing her food off her high chair tray like rice at a wedding I'm going to go seriously mental.

  9. Ugh, you're such a "glass is half full" non-God, aren't you?

    You've been here six WHOLE months now, n'est-ce pas?

    You're now PAST THE MIDWAY POINT to a full 12 months with us.

    You're STATISTICALLY ABOVE AVERAGE, according to a survey on "average lengths" ((cough))in a sad, sad land.

    (Whoever took that survey is now probably something of a "half full-er" herself, poor chicken...)

    Happpy 6 months, Captain Cubano.

    I there IS a God, I think He'd definitely be a Equo-Cuban.

    And I'd be in a whole load of trouble.

    - B x