Thursday, April 7, 2011

World Map of Breast Sizes

It's only fair.  Not to compare apples and oranges, but the size map for bananas was up last week, so now it's time for the mellons.



The more one ponders the broader implications of the regional disparities, the more some things about our world start making sense.

China: A cup
Japan: A cup

Small breasts means less milk; which means less nutrition for growth during that critical first year, which means smaller people overall.  The availability of baby formula in the modern era came far too late to mitigate millenia of half rations.  There's a lot more jockeys in those countries than basketball players.
I assume Yao Ming had a Russian wet nurse.

Russia: D+ cup

Maybe there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.  Outside of the popular girls from "Keeping up with the Kremlinettes", maybe having so much eye candy everywhere is too distracting.  It could have been a contributing factor to the collapse of communism.  Who wants to counter the capitalist menace by deploying missiles around the world when Olga's silo's are practically spilling into your lap?

Italy: C cup
Germany: D cup

Is this why the Romans went north and invaded Germania?  Plundering the Persian empire to the east and North Africa to the south for boatloads of their baubles and bullion may have brought them satisfaction, but the native B cups of those regions did not.  For that, they had to march north.

USA: D

Very near the top, but not quite there.  Don't count the americans out quite yet.  As the breast augmentation capital of the world the USA is determined to close the booby gap by any means necessary.

So why is this IF I Were God... material?

Not just for the sake of fairness and balance after last week's penis size map, but to again point out another missed opportunity.  Women like men (in general), men like breasts (in gen- always).  It makes the draw of a nice rack a very huge plus for the women who have them, but gives a confidence lowering disadvantage to the women who don't.  Not.  fair.  If I were god I'd have it be earned. (like beauty

Personalities are pretty much set by the time girls hit puberty; who they are is set before their cup size is.  I'd simply let that be the trigger for growth.  The nicer you were, the more it would show.  Mother Theresa would've been the new Pam Anderson.  Her work with the poor would've received a lot more attention than it did and I'm sure donations to her charity would've been through the roof.  "Her heart was so big, it was nearly bursting through her chest!"

Pretending to be nice wouldn't be possible.  The proof of how genuine a woman's smile is would be hanging right below it.  And the real sweethearts?  You could spot them a mile away.

Ah, what a world it would be, if I were -you know.

As always, If I Were God appreciates comments, ad-clicks and sharing of His articles. 
He sees all; disappoint Him not.

47 comments:

  1. Now I know that American men have the reputation for liking large bosoms. Oddly, I know quite a few men who much prefer smaller breasts and find the big ones "cow like". As a "real sweetheart", I have tried to convince a number of male friends that "more is better" but to no avail. They simply love their tiny temptresses. Well, I think the size thing is frequently blown way our of proportion anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Right here, Linda. I like the smaller ones.

    I feel sorry for women who have to say "size doesn't matter." It does. No woman on earth would say they like smaller penises. So they say size doesn't matter. Women are, by nature, dishonest. And I love them for it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Before anybody lynches father Fred for
    "Women are by nature, dishonest."

    I offer the first stanza from Billy Joel's "She's Always a Woman"

    She can kill with a smile
    She can wound with her eyes
    She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
    And she only reveals what she wants you to see
    She hides like a child,
    But she's always a woman to me

    ReplyDelete
  4. It does beg the question, do we force them to lie? (If 'force' is too strong, try 'push')

    Studies do show that younger, thinner, prettier women get hired and promoted faster THAN I DO. And I'm pissed. *chuckle* ...faster than older, heavier, plainer women do. The disparity is even greater when it comes to dating & mating. So what's a Snookie to do? Buy a lie;
    pumps to make you look taller
    wonder bras to make you look bustier
    hair extensions...
    make up...
    spanks...
    It may take a lot of 'lies' to give a women an almost even chance.
    It's sadder still if you consider that women still make less on average for the same job, but must incur all these extra expenses to be considered for that job -which may pay them less.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Smaller penises are just fine. I've tried many and I can honestly say that how you use what god gave you is more important than girth. Big is fine too within limits. I wouldn't want one that opened whole new things for me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. There's a limit to big boobs being attractive. Freakish is a bad thing. Too small isn't optimal, but it's not a deal-breaker.

    Give me a pretty face and a sense of humor, and I'm absolutely fine. And luckily, I've already got that very combination to go home to every night.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dude you should totally sell poster size maps. Every college boy would buy one.

    ReplyDelete
  8. God, I would totally hire and promote you over a younger, thinner, prettier woman. I wouldn't even look at your breasts.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dear Notactually,

    There's only one "L" in melons and breast size has nothing to do with milk production.

    I'm going straight to hell now, aren't I?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I had something witty and disarming to say (as usual), but then I read your second comment about forcing women to lie and now all I can think is that I actually do fancy you a little bit.

    Which, as an atheist I find exhorbitantly creepy.

    The worst part?

    We've been "suggested" into lying for so long, we've actually fooled ourselves into believing that we LIKE sky-high stilettos and push up bras.

    And yes, I count myself among this group.

    Irritatingly.

    - B x

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am really surprised to see that Russia has the largest cup size, on average. When I think of Russia I have two images in my head:

    1. Tiny little waifs who dominate in gymnastics at the Olympics, and

    2. Super burly dudes with tree trunks for thighs who dominate in the dead lift at the Olympics.

    Huh, I guess I see Russia as an athletic country.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Linda,
    I had no idea you were such a connnoisseur; should we be looking forward to a top 10 list from you soon?

    Nicky,
    you don't know what you're missing

    Luna,
    there's only one 'L' in actual melons, for ladyfruit there should be two lest they be unbalanced

    B my B,
    only "a little bit"? Back of the line, wench!

    Cardi,
    they might be packing with snow for all I know, I didn't make the map, Gingah

    ReplyDelete
  13. Actually, that would be my top 40 or so.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh "not actually" father, who art in "not actually" heaven. I pray that you provide us with a map depicting countries with the highest ass to waistline ratio (women's waistline, of course). I need some vacation ideas for the upcoming summer. Amen.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I was feeling inadequate as a mere C cup until I realized two things:

    1) The average American woman is heavier than I am and generally bigger girls have, well, bigger girls.

    2) While I see plenty of skinny models with better endowments, mine are real.

    Anyway, a handful is enough, right?

    ReplyDelete
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