Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Pressure THIS

Pressure?  I think that poor seat you're torturing knows
more about pressure than you, Billy.
 Today's 30 days of writing prompt was 'pressure' which immediately brought to mind Billy Joel's song of the same name.  I like its sound and beat, but the lyrics always struck me as a tad obnoxious.  Maybe it's the way they're littered with all those overly familiar you's, making it sound like he was singing right at me.  Like he knew me.  Well, he doesn't and maybe it's high time that condescending bastard heard about it. 
You have to learn to pace yourselfPressureYou're just like everybody elseNo, Mr Joel, I am a unique child of the universe.  Please take your cookie cutter philosophy elsewhere, you're harshin' my high!PressureYou've only had to run so farSo goodWell, I did run track in high school, distance and relay but I don't know what that has to do with-But you will come to a placeWhere the only thing you feelAre loaded guns in your faceWhoa!  Whoa, dude!  What is this, the Sopranos?  I'm not going to go any place where guns get stuck in faces, my friend!And you'll have to deal withPressureYou used to call me paranoidYeah, to say the least.  Why would anyone stick guns, loaded or otherwise, in my face?  I still can't get over that.PressureBut even you can not avoidPressureYou turned the tap dance into your crusadeWhat are you accusing me of?  I don't dance, I don't even watch Dancing with the Stars for Chrissakes.Now here you are with your faithAnd your Peter Pan advice"Think happy thoughts"?  I have never advised anyone of that, even in jest.You have no scars on your faceWTF, why the hell would I have scars on my face?And you cannot handle pressureAll grown up and no place to goI've been busy with the house lately!  And how do you know... are you stalking me?Psych 1, Psych 2What do you know?All your life is Channel 13
 What does it mean?
You tell me, you freak, you're the one babbling this nonsense.  How is my life 'channel 13'?  Do you sing this in England too?  Their BBC only goes up to 2.  From 1.  No 13.Sesame StreetPressurePressureDon't ask for helpYou're all aloneNo, my loving family is all around me. -and getting a bit concerned I'm getting so worked up over this.PressureYou'll have to answerTo your ownPressureI'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationaleNot really.  My rationale goes more like this:  "Always wear clean underwear because you never know."  See?  Not cosmic.But here you are in the ninthTwo men out and three men onUgh, baseball.  Almost as boring as golf.  Don't you have any football analogies?  "Fourth and goal, from the one, Manning drops back..."Nowhere to look but insideWhere we all respond toPressurePressureAll your life is Time MagazineI thought my life was 'channel 13', now it's a declining periodical?  Make up your mind.I read it tooWhat does it mean?It's actually pretty straightforward;  National and international news, sports, politics, film and book reviews...PressureI'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationaleI'm sure you'll recall we covered this earlier...But here you are with your faithAnd your Peter Pan adviceYes, we did.  Are you even listening?You have no scars on your faceAnd you cannot handle pressureAlright now, buddy.  I've had just about enough of this.  I go into burning buildings to rescue people, so I can handle pressure.  It's pretty clear you don't know me at all.  It sounds like you're just generalizing here -in fact the whole thing smacks dismissive; very broadly and glibly painted, like maybe it was meant for a lot of people and not just me.  It's kind of insulting.  If you have something to say to me, say it to me.Pressure, pressureOne, two, three, fourCongratulations, at least you can count to four.Pressure!Whatever.  No wonder Christie dumped you.  Jerk.


  1. Brilliant. You told him. And having put on so much weight I think Mr. Joel is the one who should be worrying about pressure, no?

  2. Surely he is singing to a minority there? Scars and guns in the face?

  3. NoName,
    I think his piano seat must be suffering from deep depression

    I know, right? Maybe he's singing to 50cent?

    thanks! I was wondering if the last line was a little harsh.

  4. I would love to see Billy Joel's response to this! Hahaha.

  5. Very good commentary. I'd never heard this one, though I did like most of his songs. I'd say he seems to have plumped up a bit, but that would be like the pot calling the kettle black. ;)

  6. I have never heard of that song and it's just as well. I agree with every word you said and I think Nicky should give you some points for your awesome comments on that dumb song.

  7. I wholeheartedly agree. This was smart and funny and deserves at least 500 points. Too bad I'm a tin-pot dictator, huhn?

    Seriously, you've been knocking them out the park since day one, God. Or should I say, you've scored touchdown after touchdown, running them in from the kick-off? Do I get points for the football analogy? :-)

  8. PJ,
    I wouldn't hold my breath!

    I think it was released after his 70's popularity had eroded a bit

    Linda M,
    I think so too!

    Nicky the Picky,
    Firstly, o' easily offended one, I did not say you 'are' a tin-pot dictator, I said you were giving yourself points 'like' a tin-pot dictator. Completely different. Ask Borat.
    Secondly, thank you for the recognition. I've been ignoring family, friends, work, and personal hygene to write my best for you.
    Thirdly, of course you do; a field goal's worth. I'm sure you know how much that is, right?